Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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