I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
