So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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