Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
