Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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