Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
