Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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