she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
kristin has been a bad kristin
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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