This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
