I wish I could punch you in the face.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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