if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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