I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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