Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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