I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Shame is for Republicans.
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