I need help removing her.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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