If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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