I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
