i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
