Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
