Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
