to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize