she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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