i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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