He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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