woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
