I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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