hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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