butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
