Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
