So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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