yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize