Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
