I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
