the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There r osticjed everywhere
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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