can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
