Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
