I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
