We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
