I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
