I'm passing your future prison.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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