You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
