The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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