My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
high people should be assigned attendants
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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