Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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