I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My nipple is on Facebook.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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