I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
