i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish i was in the wii world.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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