How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
