i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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