Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
