It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize