You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize