Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
