K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
