when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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