I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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