well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
