you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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