He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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