Tell her she can't have a vagina
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I can't turn off my feet"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
