she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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