yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
