would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
