Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
