Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize