Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize