Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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