I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
